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“Oh, you got pregnant without even trying? Yeah, that is too funny.” I was in the teacher’s lounge about to eat my lunch, days after another friend had gone on a maternity leave. I was breathing a sigh of relief; maybe the constant baby chatter at lunch would end now, at least for a few weeks. I think about my infertility enough — work was supposed to be my distraction.
Then this announcement came: pregnant without trying. I about choked on a crouton.
How is it still so difficult for me not to be jealous when I hear a pregnancy announcement? Right when I think I’m over it? Clearly, God can see right through my feeble “congratulations”; I haven’t quite learned His lesson on envy yet.
(I then volunteered to bring a giant homemade cupcake whale to the baby shower months later as penance for my initial bitterness…okay, and also because I like showing off my creative baking skills. Alright fine, I’m not actually creative, I got the idea off Pinterest, but still. I kept finding blue frosting in my car from where the whale took an accidental nosedive for months. Serves me right.)
The thing is, when you start struggling with infertility (or anything, really), it becomes really easy to become really self-centered. It’s not fair. These yahoos over here are getting pregnant without even trying and look at everything I’m doing!
Then, when you’re so laser-focused on yourself and what you don’t have, it becomes really easy to forget all of the things you do. I’ve realized that in the midst of my infertility, I’ve not only become very jealous, but also ungrateful. (Add that to the list of my positive qualities!)
The best antidote for jealousy is gratitude. That’s why I’ve decided I need to shift my attitude: I need to choose gratitude not when I have a baby, but before.
How to be grateful during your struggle with infertility
Own your story
It’s so easy to be jealous of other people’s lives, other people’s stories, other people’s callings. Realize that God has called you to something specific, something he planned out, something for such a time as this, something just for you. When we covet other people’s lives, we stop being grateful for our own. To become actively aware of those things God has planned for us:
Start praying more
I’m committing to thanking God every day, not for material possessions (not that that’s a bad thing!), but for specific opportunities and tasks that I recognize that he has given to me specifically. When we take time to pray about those things, write them down, and thank God for them, we start to realize just how amazing God really is to place us here, in this place, at such a time as this. We start to focus on His plan for our lives rather than our own.
Come to the realization that you don’t need children to be happy
There’s no easy way to do this really, but if you’re waiting for children to be happy, you’ve fallen into a trap. As a matter of fact, if you’re waiting for anything to happen before you can be happy, it’s a trap. I’m not saying it’s easy, and it will take time, but coming to the realization that Christ is all you need has been the key to gratefulness + contentment all along. For more on that, check out my post, What are you waiting for?
And for more ways to stay positive in general when TTC, check out my post on that here.
