Decisions about fertility treatments are hard — especially as a Christian. Contrary to what some people believe, making decisions about fertility treatments as a Christian is not black and white.
I still don’t claim to know what’s “right.” However, I do think it’s valuable (not to mention helpful) to ask yourself these 3 questions as a Christian making decisions about fertility treatments:
1. Are you open to whatever God has planned for your life?
In other words, are you determined to do everything it takes to make your life turn out the way YOU want…or do you want to follow Jesus? Have you surrendered your life to Him? Do you want to follow Him, no matter where He leads you?
When going through infertility, it can be easy to rule things out right away: I’m too old to just sit here and wait any longer; I need to do something now. We could never afford to adopt. IVF doesn’t seem right.
I would urge you to start over again, with every option on the table. Don’t rule anything out, and pray that God would open your heart to the right thing to do. Ask yourself the hard questions: Is it that we can’t afford adoption, or am I afraid of something else? What if I do wait too long and end up childless forever — can I still find contentment? (By the way, check out the story of Manoah and his wife. You can be content and still deeply desire children.) Have I really studied scripture and investigated IVF enough to determine if God would be for it or against it?
When I read and reflected on the story of Naaman, I came to the conclusion that I had ruled certain options out not because they went against scripture, but because I didn’t want to do them. I started back at square one, asking God what His will for my life was.
Are you the same way? Have you ruled something out because you don’t want to do it? Ask God to give you an open mind and the willingness to follow His leading, even if it’s down a path you didn’t expect.
This idea of “surrendering” yourself to God’s will is at the heart of many Bible stories. Take a look at the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22, for example, when God tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his son Isaac. God honors and desires total surrender to His will, regardless of how “crazy” something may seem.
2. Are you listening to God’s calling?
The second question is equally as difficult as the first, largely because sometimes it’s hard to distinguish God’s voice from the voices of the world. Even when you’re open to whatever God is calling you to do, it can be hard to know what that is. (I’ve never been one to “hear” God’s voice in my head telling me what to do.)
Perhaps, however, you’re not listening for God’s voice because you’re not paying attention. Although I believe God can “speak” to you in a variety of ways, I challenge you to do two things if you feel like you’re having a hard time finding direction:
1. Read your Bible. God speaks through His word. Just like the story of Naaman convicted me that I needed to open up my mind to new ways of God’s healing, other stories have lessons to teach as well. If you don’t know where to start, check out my series on infertile women in the Bible, Barren + Biblical. (Also see my post on How to Start a Daily Bible Reading Routine.)
2. Ask for advice from godly people you respect. This is a hard one, because we’ve gotten very caught up in the “my fertility is none of your business, thank you very much” mindset. I agree. Your fertility and decisions about fertility treatments really aren’t other peoples’ business. But we forget that oftentimes God speaks through other people. Other Christians who have gone through a similar situation may have some wisdom to share with you. Even if people cannot or will not offer advice, they may want to pray for you.
*Note: Don’t fall into the trap of asking for advice only from people you know are going to give you the answer you want to hear…or rejecting godly advice. See the story of King Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12.
3. Are you making a rash decision out of impatience, desperation, or fear…or have you made the decision prayerfully?
After my first visit to the fertility specialist, I went away with a bad taste in my mouth. At first I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why, but I think I finally figured it out: The doctor was urging me to make a decision based on fear.
I know she was trying to be helpful, but when my husband and I hesitated about wanting to go through with IUI treatments immediately, she said so many people wait too long. They wait several months or even a year, and by the time they come back to the office, still childless, they are at the point of desperation and despair. They’ll try anything...and by then they’re in a different mindset: Stressed out, frustrated, weary, and feeling hopeless.
I remember walking away thinking, “She doesn’t know my God.” I may have feelings of despair at times, and I may be frustrated. But I will always have hope.
I wanted time to think about the options, to pray about what was right. I refused to make a decision because I was afraid of what would happen if we waited too long.
Think about why you’re making the decisions you are. Do you feel at peace about it? Or do you feel like you’re under the gun, needing to do something now before it’s too late? Are you afraid that if you don’t do something now, you might never have kids?
There’s a reason there are so many Bible verses about fear. Don’t do anything rash. Consider your options prayerfully. As a Christian, make a decision about fertility treatments because you have determined it’s God’s will for you, not because of feelings of fear.
I’ve read several agonizing stories of couples suffering spiritually, financially, emotionally from going through IVF and assisted reproductive technologies. Many of the stories talk about the strain it placed on the couple’s marriage and the woman’s health. Whenever I hear these stories I think…”it doesn’t have to be this way” There is a Real Procreative approach to treating infertility called the Creighton Model FertilityCare System and NaProTechnology that doesn’t put a couple in the position of having to choose between their faith and their fertility. With CrMS and NaProTechnology the reasons for the infertility is identified, diagnosed, and treated so the body can heal and a couple conceive in a natural act of intercourse. There are no frozen or discarded embryos and no difficult, ethical decisions to make. Couples can do much better for themselves getting answers and having the root cause of the infertility identified and diagnosed…couples have a greater chance of conceiving and often grow closer to God and to each other as God’s plan for their family is revealed… further information can be found through this link https://fertilityisnotadisease.com/infertility/
Thank you for the information! I am in total agreement about trying to find the root cause of infertility!