Pregnant after Infertility: The Uncertainty May Not Be a Bad Thing

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I really thought this feeling would pass the longer my pregnancy went on. It’s hard to explain, really. It’s not a feeling of anxiety or a sense that something is going to go wrong. But it’s definitely not a carefree, throw-caution-to-the-wind feeling, either. The only way I can think to describe it would be a feeling of hesitation.

Writing thank yous for my baby shower last weekend, I can’t help but hesitate when I’m about to write things like, “Can’t wait for you to meet our little one!” or “Next time I see you I’ll have a newborn in tow!” Can I really be that presumptuous?

Reaching out to daycares, for some reason I pause when I’m about to say that I’ll be looking for childcare for a four month old in January. Can I really assume that everything will go as planned? But don’t I also have to plan for it too?

I’ve noticed that friends of mine never seem to have this hesitation. But there always seems to be something that subtly reminds me: You’re not in control; none of this is for certain.

When I first got pregnant again after miscarriage, there were too many things that seemed too similar to my miscarriage. Then, in the middle of my second trimester, I had a health scare that made me wonder if I would even get to raise this child. Just today I read the story of another infertility blogger that had a stillborn — completely unexpectedly — at 34 weeks.

I’m convinced that this uncertainty of pregnancy (or the uncertainty of anything, really) can lead you in one of two directions: either down a path of anxiety and despair; or down a path of trust and prayer.

uncertainty of pregnancy after infertility and miscarriage

Anxiety + Despair

It would be easy to turn to anxiety. There are so many things that can go wrong with a pregnancy and with an unborn child, really. It’s why so many people choose to do early genetic testing and bloodwork and everything else that is available now; they are convinced it will ease the worry and anxiety they feel about the uncertainty of the little life inside of them. But I can’t help but wonder: In the end, does it?

There will still always be something to worry about, even if all the initial tests come back normal. There are no guarantees.

Trust + Prayer

The only other option is to trust. Not trust that everything will indeed go as planned — because God never promises us that — but trust that God is in control and will take care of it all. The only solution is to replace any anxiety that threatens to overtake us with prayer. We cannot choose to give up control, as God already has it, but we can choose to acknowledge that God is in control. We can choose to pray and trust that God will take care of our every need in the midst of uncertainty. It’s a lesson I learned through infertility and one that God continues to reteach me during pregnancy, too.

So in the end, if you’re feeling a sense of hesitation about your pregnancy like I am, I’m not convinced it’s a bad thing. For me it serves as a gentle reminder that nothing really is for certain; that God alone is the one in control of our lives. That hesitation should prompt us to respond with prayer and trust, acknowledging that we can continue to make plans, but that in the end, the Lord is the one who determines our path.

For more on this, check out: How to “have faith” in a pregnancy after miscarriage and 6 practical tips to cope with anxiety in a pregnancy after miscarriage