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Trying to cope with infertility during the holidays is not always easy, as there’s no denying it: Christmas is about the kids.
Whether your Christmas gatherings include nieces, nephews, cousins, cousins’ kids, or all of the above, it’s all about them. All eyes are on them as they rip open presents, play with new toys, dump out stockings filled with little trinkets, and pose for pictures in front of the tree. And as you watch them along with everyone else, maybe you’re like me and let yourself dream a little. After all, the Christmas season is about miracles, right?
Surely by next Christmas. Even if I don’t have a baby yet, maybe by then I’ll at least be pregnant.
But then you realize that’s what you said last Christmas. And the Christmas before that. And maybe even the Christmas before that.
So you remind yourself what Christmas is really about. It’s not about the kids. It’s about Jesus.
But in your weariness, you still can’t help but wonder: Is this how you’ll spend all of your future Christmases too? Barren, and watching everyone else’s children?
Side note first:
This post is not about reminding you to be thankful for all of your other earthly blessings.
It’s not about telling you to “never give up on your dreams.”
And it’s not a practical list of “survival tips” for infertility at Christmastime.
It’s not permission to skip the holiday parties with all of your sibling’s and cousin’s and second cousin’s babies, either.
(Nothing wrong with those posts, by the way, but that’s not what this is.)
This post is a reminder that at Christmastime you have all you need to rejoice, without any of your earthly blessings at all.
Rationalization
Sometimes I’m afraid we try to rationalize our struggles away by convincing ourselves that we have a lot to be thankful for. (After all, we do.) At least we don’t have it as bad as she does. At least my life is not as hard as his.
At least…
But the “at leasts” don’t take away the pain of infertility, and especially not at Christmastime.
It’s like telling someone, “At least you know you can get pregnant now,” after she’s suffered a miscarriage. Or,
“At least you lost the baby early.”
We tell other people that those are the wrong things to say to us.
So why do we think saying those things to ourselves is going to make us happy?
Convincing ourselves that we can be happy enough if we just count the earthly blessings we do have — because at least we don’t have it as bad as she does — might work for a while. But in the long run, it simply won’t bring lasting joy.
Earthly blessings break, get destroyed, and fall apart.
We need to put our hope — and our hearts — in something else.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:21
The Christmas Story
It’s interesting that the Christmas story, in a way, actually begins with a story of infertility. We usually skip that part — flipping straight to the story of Luke 2, when Caesar Augustus issued that decree. We bypass the whole story of Luke 1, where Elizabeth and Zechariah conceive John the Baptist in their old age, after being unable to conceive for so long.
It makes me wonder why God orchestrated the coming of Jesus in this way. Yes, John the Baptist prepared the way for the Lord, but why did Elizabeth and Zechariah have to be barren before that? Why have John the Baptist be the son of a barren couple? Why does Jesus’ birth story start in Luke 2, rather than in Luke 1?
I don’t claim to have the answers to these questions. But as a fellow barren woman, I love reading about the role that Elizabeth played in the story of baby Jesus’ birth.
And Elizabeth is a perfect example of a woman whose treasure — and heart — were with Jesus.
Before Baby Jesus: Luke 1
After so many years of infertility, I can only imagine how Elizabeth felt upon becoming pregnant. The Bible doesn’t give us many details about her initial reaction, besides verse 25:
“‘The Lord has done this for me,’ she said. ‘In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.'”
Luke 1: 25
She thanked God, and — I would imagine — celebrated. Later in Luke 1, it is noted that her neighbors shared her joy. She did all of the things we should do when we receive earthly blessings. She thanked God, and she experienced joy.
But she was filled with the Holy Spirit when she first saw Mary pregnant with baby Jesus:
“In a loud voice she exclaimed: ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!'”
Luke 1:42-45
Upon witnessing the miracle pregnancy that would bring Jesus into the world, Elizabeth was overcome by the Holy Spirit and shouted in exclamation. Even if her prayers for her own child had not been answered, I would imagine that she would’ve reacted in much the same way.
Elizabeth’s treasures — and therefore her heart — were not with the things of the earth; they were with Jesus.
During this Christmas season, in the midst of infertility, where are you storing up treasures for yourself? It’s likely the same place that your heart is also.
The Weary World Rejoices
My favorite hymn at Christmas time, O Holy Night, includes my favorite line: “The weary world rejoices.”
I love this line so much because we are weary. The world is weary, for one reason or another. In the midst of this Christmas season, even while we try to focus on Jesus, we’re still wondering if we’ll spend the rest of our Christmases barren.
But if we don’t? If we do have children?
We will be weary.
Moms and Dads are weary. Grandmas and Grandpas are weary. Barren men and women are weary.
At Christmastime, we are weary.
But let’s follow the example of Elizabeth, a woman who stored up treasures for herself in heaven rather than on earth.
And may the Holy Spirit fill us up with an indescribable joy when we celebrate the birth of our Savior, too.
And if you’re still finding it difficult to rejoice during the holidays…
Despite the challenge that this post offers, Jesus didn’t come to earth at Christmastime to challenge you. Check out the follow-up to this post: When you’re finding it hard to rejoice during the holidays.
*And be sure to check out The Weary World Rejoices Christmas Wall Art here!
