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Infertility sucks. Telling yourself to “stay positive” when TTC sucks. Also, your husband telling you you need to be more positive sucks (that last part is totally hypothetical, btw).
Not to mention, you deserve to be negative, right?! C’mon, you just got back from your fourth baby shower this week, gritting out a smile (was that fake laugh too loud? rolling on the floor too much?) listening to the story of how she got pregnant “without even trying” (also hypothetical…no, but for real hypothetical. Four baby showers in one week is extreme. Three is where I max out).
Anywho, although radiating positivity is my full-time job (aka teaching high schoolers), I clearly struggle in terms of staying positive when it comes to TTC because getting pregnant is taking WAY TOO LONG. I’m doing better now (mostly kind of a little)…since I’ve started doing these 5 things:
1. Laughing at infertility
No, infertility is not funny. Like, at all. But one of my favorite things to do when I’m feeling negative is to head over to my Pinterest board of “Infertility Humor” filled with hilarious memes. My husband finds some of it kind of “too sad to be funny”…but if you don’t find yourself smiling even a little bit at a meme saying “Even Jim Bob Duggar couldn’t get me pregnant,” then….I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe try one of my other four suggestions instead?
Also: For more humor, check out the book Infreakinfertility by Melanie Dale (my book review here!).
2. Connecting with others
No, I’m not just saying, “know you’re not alone.” Okay, sort of, but not really.
(When people tell me that, I can’t help thinking: I’m not alone? Where is everyone then?) I suppose just hearing the statistic that “1 in 8 people struggle with infertility” does make some people feel better somehow; me, on the other hand…well, I’m getting more negative just thinking about it. (I’ve become a statistic?!)
BUT what HAS kept me more positive has been reading other people’s blogs and books on infertility (again, see my book recommendations here!) and sharing my own story.
Other ideas: Maybe you’re lucky enough to have a friend who can relate to you (unlucky enough I mean — now I’m wishing infertility on your friends?!). Or maybe you’re a support group person. My husband and I are not support group people, although for the record we did try — once (#awkward — them, not us. Obviously).
3. Finding a new hobby (or revisiting an old one)
(Because wallowing in your sorrows is not a legit hobby.)
I used to write all the time…and then I stopped for a while. And now I’m back at it. (And I’m connecting with people too at the same time…just killed two birds with one stone! How’s that for positivity?)
Other valid options: rollerblading, golfing, drawing, painting, crafting, sewing, reading, snowboarding, snowshoeing…(okay, now I’m just listing things I like to do…besides the snowshoeing thing. Maybe this winter.) You do you.
4. Doing something to help others
The biggest problem with infertility is that you’re tempted to become a recluse and stay inside and throw a pity party for yourself every day. You don’t want to leave the house because you’re bound to see 27 pregnant people at Target and a “Baby on Board” sign on every single car you see (and then you think about how you’re going to get a “No Baby on Board…Crash right in to me!” sign for your car). Everything revolves around you and your lack of pregnancy.
Leave your house and find a way to help people. It will remind you that you can find fulfillment without children; that you may have another purpose in life besides (maybe in addition to) being a mother.
Ideas: Volunteer at a nursing home, become a tutor, deliver meals, be a mentor, work at a food bank…do something that interests you. Several years ago I volunteered teaching Spanish classes at a nursing home. Now that was interesting.
5. Finding a treatment plan + a doctor you like
Honestly, I think a lot of my negativity at first centered around my lack of individualized care and feeling like doctors were forcing me into things I wasn’t ready for. It was frustrating. You can read more about that here.
Now that I’ve actually found a doctor I like and a treatment plan I feel good about (read more about that here), I’ve felt a lot more positive about TTC and infertility in general.
And above all, just keep telling yourself: Stay positive!
(Kidding, people, I’m kidding.)
