My Infertility Prayer: Why I’m NOT Trusting God’s Timing Anymore

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I used to try to trust God’s timing when it came to getting pregnant. I would pray that God would grant me the blessing of getting pregnant, but I’d follow it up with: Please help me to trust your timing, God. I know you must have a reason for my waiting, even if I can’t see it.

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I’m not going to pray that anymore.

There comes a time when you’re TTC when you start to wonder if you’ll ever get pregnant. Not the mopey, God-why–me-why-can’t-I-get-pregnant kind of wondering. But the very rational + calm realization that you might not ever actually get pregnant.

I don’t know exactly when it happens. Maybe it’s after your doctor drops a bombshell about your test results. Maybe it’s after your failed IVF attempt — the last one. Or maybe, like me, you’ve been trying just long enough.

You don’t say it out loud though. You know what people would say; the worst thing they could say:

Oh, you’ll get pregnant eventually.

As if you’re being dramatic. As if you’re stressing over something that’s really no big deal. As if you just haven’t waited long enough or explored your options enough. As if you’re just being negative, as if you don’t have enough faith that God will answer your prayers.

I’ve always been taught that God answers prayer in 1 of 3 ways: Yes, no, or not yet. He’ll always answer prayers, yes, but we don’t know what the answer is.

God, help me to trust your timing.

It’s only just now occurred to me what I’ve been praying. I’ve been telling God how to answer my prayer. I’ve been telling him that he has two options: Yes, you’ll get pregnant this month or Not yet, but just wait.

I somehow forgot that we don’t answer our own prayers; God does. And he has 3 options, not 2.

No, this doesn’t mean I’ve given up on getting pregnant. I’m not convinced I know that God’s answer to my prayer is no; that’s the whole point. So I’m not going to stop trying or stop researching or stop going to doctor’s appointments.

But I am going to stop praying that prayer. I’m going to stop telling God how he’s going to answer my prayer. I’m going to stop pretending I’m in control.

I’m changing my prayer. I won’t be praying, “God, help me to trust your timing.” But I WILL be praying: “God, help me to trust your plan.”

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