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Since we’ve announced our pregnancy, I’ve had coworkers, distant friends, or other acquaintances — those who don’t know our story of infertility– respond with many different comments. All, of course, are excited and happy for us. And then we’ve received other comments, too, like: Finally. We were wondering what was taking you so long! And: It’s about time!
My husband sometimes rolls his eyes at their ignorance, but I laugh at and welcome these comments. It gives me a chance to allude to a story I’m no longer embarrassed or self-conscious about, and I typically respond with: You’re telling me! You have no idea! Or: We were wondering the same thing!
Because despite the fact that I’m no longer waiting to get pregnant, I do sometimes still wonder: Why did God make us wait so long, really?
Waiting
Sometimes when I think back on the last 2+ years that we’ve waited, I’m tempted to think about all the things I’ve done and accomplished that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I started this blog. I’ve written a whole devotional series on waiting. I’ve been more involved at school; I got to coach this fall. This past year was a time of rest with my husband, mostly staying at home during the whole Coronavirus quarantine, rather than spending the time chasing around a toddler. I like to think that I wasn’t simply idly waiting; standing by for God to do something while I twiddled my thumbs.
But lately I’ve been realizing that this isn’t about what I did in the waiting. It’s about the changes that God did in me in the waiting.
Changes
God has pointed out my sins of pride I never knew I had, making me realize that I had always taken my rather “easy” life for granted. After realizing that God never promised me a baby, God has granted me a bit more humility to weather future storms in my life.
God has given me — someone who is typically reluctant to be sympathetic to the plights of others and would rather tell them to just “suck it up” — more compassion. I have an ability now to relate to others who are going through a similar situation…a situation I probably would’ve rolled my eyes at before, telling people to just stop trying so hard and it will probably happen.
God has reminded me of the importance of community. He’s made me realize that when I can no longer find the words to pray after praying the same prayer over and over again for so long, there is comfort in knowing that others are interceding for me as well.
And God has made me realize that kids are not the “end all be all,” and that it’s easy to make idols of things in life — even if those things are truly beautiful, wonderful blessings. I will not take my child for granted; but I will not make him or her my entire life either.
So, Why?
But even while reflecting on all of the ways that God has changed me, I still can’t say for sure why God made us wait so long for a baby. I still don’t know why God made us go through infertility before pregnancy, and I’ll continue to respond to comments of “It’s about time!” with: “You’re telling me!”
It’s likely beyond the scope of my imagination; God has a plan that is far greater and far more complex than I can even imagine. I like to think that my child will be born for such a time as this; after all, I know that God has already planned something out for this child to do well in advance. I also like to think that maybe I’ve been able to minister to others through this blog in ways that I don’t even know about; there would be nothing better than if someone else would be up in heaven someday because of me.
So despite the fact that I laugh with those that say, “It’s about time!” about our pregnancy after infertility, those comments also remind me: God was working on me in the waiting. And I’m thankful for that.
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