[Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my full disclosure here.]
I’ve now read at least 10 books on the topic of infertility encouragement.* Some have been terrible (honestly, just bad), some have been okay, and some, like these three, have been so great that I have to recommend them to you. Here is my list of the top 3 books to read to help you cope with infertility:
*I do not recommend this…especially if you read all 10 in a row in one weekend. (Totally hypothetical scenario, of course.) You will lose your mind. I actually feel a little bit bad about some of the probably quality books that I couldn’t even finish because I was so sick to death of reading about infertility…anyway, these ones were a combination of the ones I read at the beginning, middle, and end, so I know they’re good.
1. Infreakinfertility: How to Survive When Getting Pregnant Gets Hard by Melanie Dale
This book WILL make you laugh out loud.
No, I’m not talking about the “LOL BAHAHA I’M LITERALLY DYING AND ROLLING ON THE FLOOR” text you send your friend when you’re actually staring at your phone like this:
I’m talking about actually laughing out loud:
Okay, too much. (And why are you so old?)
There we go, that’s better. Anyway, this book is hilarious. They should hand these out at fertility clinics. Or even put some in the waiting rooms…it’s the least they could do when you’re forking over thousands of dollars to them every month for treatments.
Pros: This book is the perfect combination of humor, faith, humor, tips, humor…and did I mention humor? If you like sarcasm AT ALL you will love this book. And yet she doesn’t minimize the struggle with infertility or how hard it is, either.
She organizes each chapter by the stupid and ridiculous things people have said to her (example: Chapter 2: Seeking Help: “My boss’s wife’s massage therapist knows a guy.”). You will be nodding your head, thinking, “yup, exactly” as you read about her annoyances and frustrations. In addition, her husband writes little sections throughout, and she gives 5 practical tips for you at the end of each chapter too.
I also love that this book talks a great deal about faith, but at the same time not claiming to have all of the answers.
Favorite line (one of them, anyway, there are really just too many things that I’ve highlighted): “If the people in your life are reminding you a little too often to keep trusting God, feel free to give it right back to them. ‘You too! Keep trusting God with your school tuition and shin splints and voting! Trust God at the buffet at Golden Corral! Never stop!'”
Small con: The only little thing that I didn’t necessarily agree with her on was her argument that you can find a pathway to wholeness and peace in a lot of different things — faith, relationships, work, etc., or a combination of things. She says that all of her wholeness doesn’t come from God (it’s also relationships and passion for her work, too). Okay, I get that…but her relationships and passions quite clearly come from a foundation of faith. I get that she wanted to make this book accessible to non-Christians, too, but I don’t think you’ll find true wholeness and peace unless God is a part of the equation.
2. Plus or Minus: Keeping Your Life, Faith, and Love Together Through Infertility by Matt + Cheri Appling
This is one of the first books I read on infertility, after reading an interview with Matt + Cheri somewhere online. Now that I’ve gone back and re-read certain parts (to make sure I didn’t just like this book because it was one of the first I read), I realized that this book really does offer a fresh and deep perspective on infertility, one that I didn’t read about in any other book. It follows three different couples (themselves included) during their struggles with infertility.
Pros: I loved the way this book wrestles with the tough decisions about infertility treatments from a Christian perspective. If you find yourself having a hard time deciding what to do and with more questions than answers, read this book. (It won’t give you the answers, but it will help you think things through.)
I also loved that this book followed three different couples, and all of them took three different paths and approaches to dealing with infertility. You will definitely be able to relate to their struggles.
Favorite line: “God sends the rain on all of us, the righteous and unrighteous, and we have done nothing to deserve or not deserve our children. We learned to let go of our martyr complexes and our badges of honor. We learned to be compassionate toward others, even while we were suffering ourselves.”
Small con: Just one chapter got a little long for me. (Chapter 2 and part of 3 essentially outline the history of families and the role of children from Biblical times until the present day.) It was an interesting perspective, however, and I loved how it pointed out how children have become the status symbol of our current generation of parents. SO TRUE.
3. It’s Not Fair: Learning to Love the Life You Didn’t Choose by Melanie Dale
I know, another book by Melanie Dale. I promise I am not in cahoots with her + I don’t get a big kickback from recommending her books (okay, I get a small one from Amazon for any book I recommend, but that’s it). This book is also just too good not to read…I knew I needed it when I read the title.
Pros: The nice thing about this book is that it’s not all about infertility. I would recommend it to anyone, actually…aren’t all of us really — on some level — living a life we didn’t choose? The book includes tons of different snippets from different people about suffering through all sorts of trials — infertility (obviously), cancer, divorce, parenting children with special needs, etc. And of course all of this is through a faith-perspective.
The BEST thing about this book (besides the humor, obviously — it’s Melanie Dale again — and I should mention that my husband woke up one night panicked that I was crying when really I was just shaking with laughter) is that it gives you a lot of HOPE. You end the book excited about your life that you didn’t choose; excited and fired up and hopeful about the future that God has planned for you.
Favorite line: “Couple things here. One, maybe don’t put your hands on someone’s general womb region in the middle of prayer unless you know them really, really well and even then, nah.”
Small con: If you’ve read her other book (my #1), a couple of the stories are the same. But just a couple — the majority of it is still all new.
I will be sure to update this list if I have more books to recommend!
