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Note: This post was written as part of the Infertility Bible Study series. If you’d prefer to read it on the free downloadable ebook, click here.
A reading from 1 Samuel 1: 1-20:
There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.
3 Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. 4 Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. 5 But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. 6 Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. 8 Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
9 Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. 10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
12 As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” [1 Samuel 1:1-20, NIV]
Read that passage again and play close attention to the verses that show how Hannah was feeling. Jot them down or make a mental note.
Here is what I found:
–Irritated (v. 6)
–Wept and would not eat (v. 7)
–Downhearted (v. 8)
–Deep anguish (v. 10)
–Wept bitterly (v. 10)
–Deeply troubled (v. 15)
–Great anguish and grief (v. 16)
And even worse — this wasn’t one of Hannah’s friends who got pregnant “year after year” that she had to watch get pregnant and give birth “year after year” (and probably help!) — it was the other wife who would also provoke her. Can you imagine?
Doesn’t it seem like all of your friends have gotten pregnant “year after year” while you’re still waiting? (Maybe they’re on their second or third kids while you’re still waiting for one.) Doesn’t it seem like your friends are provoking you (in this case, probably unknowingly)? (Complaining about their pregnancies — how they can’t eat certain things, how they feel sick and can’t sleep, how they have so many appointments to go to, and, my personal favorite, how 9 months is soooo long to wait to actually give birth…) And how many times have you felt all of those things that Hannah felt? Irritated at your pregnant friends, downhearted, bitter, deeply troubled, grieving?
I usually feel guilty when I feel those things. Why can’t I just be happy for my friends? Why can’t I just be grateful for the things I have — like a husband who loves me? Why am I always wanting something more? If I’m so unsatisfied with what God’s given me, then I don’t deserve a baby.
If there’s anything we can learn from Hannah, it’s that she’s just like us. She’s irritated, bitter, deeply troubled, and anguished. She had a husband who loved her too, and yet Hannah found it hard to be satisfied without a child.
But guess what? Even though Hannah was irritated and bitter and frustrated and jealous and anguished and completely undeserving of a baby, God gave her the child she prayed for anyway. No, God doesn’t always give us exactly what we want, and he may not give you a baby. But he surely doesn’t give according to what we deserve.
Even more importantly, what we can learn from Hannah is how she reacted to her feelings. She poured out her soul to the Lord. She prayed out of her great anguish and grief. She prayed to the point that she looked like she was drunk with how emotionally she was praying!
This week, don’t try to hide your emotions from God so that you look like a “good” person who is happy for her friends. (God knows how you’re feeling anyway, regardless.) And don’t think infertility is God’s way of giving you what you deserve, either. Instead, pour out your soul to the Lord in prayer.
Prayer: God, I feel like everyone else has been blessed with children but me. No one seems to understand my bitterness and jealousy and grief. You may be the only one who knows how desperately I want to conceive. Please bless me with children and help me to trust your timing. Help me to remember the story of Hannah and to find hope in her story. Amen.
Scripture to pray: Psalm 13:1-2, 5: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”
Song for the way to work: Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North
Suggested scripture readings for the week:
1 Corinthians 7:17
John 21:15-25
Galatians 5:16-26
Philippians 2:1-11, 4:10-13
Matthew 6:5-8
I especially like a lot of these scriptures in the Msg. Bible translation
Click to return to the Infertility Bible Study Series.
(For more on this topic, check out my post on infertility guilt here.)
This is an amazing post! Such a great breakdown of Hannah. I enjoyed reading this 🙂
Thank you! I love this story!