How to Cope with Anxiety During Pregnancy After Miscarriage

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When I first found out I was pregnant after miscarriage, I couldn’t help but wonder: Will this one be any different? What if I’m another one of those infertility bloggers who just has miscarriage after miscarriage? Not to mention my symptoms seemed similar to when I had a miscarriage. It is difficult to cope with the anxiety that comes with a pregnancy after miscarriage.

I felt guilty that I wasn’t jumping up and down with excitement as I had been with my first positive pregnancy test. I wanted to enjoy the feeling of being pregnant after years of infertility, but unfortunately, in a pregnancy after miscarriage, you’re no longer the innocent person you once were when you got your first positive test. Something is just a little bit different; you’re just not quite as carefree.

I wrote the bulk of this post during the first trimester of this pregnancy, when the uncertainty is at its highest, but I’ve added to it since then, as the uncertainty never fully goes away. But despite the knowledge that I could miscarry again, after years of infertility, I am (and was from the beginning) determined to enjoy being pregnant. And I realized that uncertainty does not need to result in anxiety. (Actually, I think the uncertainty can even be a good thing!)

That said, here are my top, practical tips for how to cope with anxiety during pregnancy after miscarriage or loss.

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6 Practical Tips for How to Cope with Anxiety in a Pregnancy after Miscarriage

1. Be selective about who you want to tell about the pregnancy (and when)

I’ve heard and read very different opinions on this. Some argue that it’s better to tell people right away still, to celebrate the life inside of you as soon as you find out and to have a support system. Others choose to wait much longer after they’ve had a loss, for obvious reasons. Clearly this is a personal decision, but I’d suggest landing somewhere in the middle. To reduce anxiety, I think it’s best to tell at least a few close family members and friends.

Personally, we told our families right away, and certain close friends as we saw them, even before 12 weeks. I really appreciated the prayers of others during this time — a lesson I had learned going through infertility. It was so comforting to know that others were praying for me, and I truly believe that prayers from others can help reduce your anxiety during uncertainty.

On the other hand: Be selective in who you tell early, especially if you know people who you think would just dismiss your concern about another loss. To reduce anxiety, it does not help to have others minimize your anxious feelings. I also did not want to be inundated with stories of people who had a miscarriage and then went on to have healthy pregnancies. (I’ve never been one to be comforted by statistics, but if you are — because many people are — look up the statistics…it is true you are likely to go on to have a healthy pregnancy after miscarriage!) But I wanted others to acknowledge that my concerns were valid and pray for me.

2. (Maybe) Consider choosing a new OB or practice

I obviously don’t advocate for this if you love your doctor. But I was not super thrilled with the doctor who handled my miscarriage, and even just the thought of going back for bloodwork in that same office where I was told I was miscarrying gave me anxiety.

I ended up switching practices completely (and later back to my old office for various reasons, but still with a different OB). You are not tied to the same practice or doctor with whom you experienced miscarriage (unless you want to be). For me, it helped to be at a different practice because things immediately felt different. Don’t stay wherever you’re at just because it seems easier. Advocate for yourself so that you feel comfortable when you go in for appointments and calling or messaging your doctor if you have a concern.

3. Don’t feel guilty however you feel about being pregnant again

Yes, this is easier said than done. But as I said earlier, I almost felt guilty that I was not over-the-top excited to be pregnant again. (Or maybe you feel the opposite, and subsequently feel guilty that you’re not still mourning your previous loss.)

Either way, it’s normal. Don’t force yourself to get excited immediately (I don’t think your hesitation is bad thing), but if you are, allow yourself the excitement!

4. Remember that life begins at conception…so do something to celebrate your pregnancy

Even if you’re not over-the-top excited, do one thing to allow yourself a little excitement. Remember that as soon as you find out you are pregnant, you have a life inside of you! I didn’t do this with my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, but with this one, I immediately ordered the What to Expect book. So order a book, buy a cute outfit, or go out to dinner to celebrate — do something to remind yourself that you are carrying a new life inside of you!

5. Consider staying off the internet forums and pregnancy apps for a while — and actually educate yourself

I found that sometimes pregnancy apps and forums can be fun…and sometimes they can be anxiety-inducing. I’ve read forums that have suddenly made me concerned my HCG levels were too high (even though my OB said they were fine), that I ate too many grapes (totally a myth), or that I got toxoplasmosis from my cats (possible, but highly unlikely).

Instead of relying on random strangers to inform you, get yourself a couple of books to help you actually educate yourself. The one I recommend above all others to help reduce your anxiety is Expecting Better, by Emily Oster. (Check out some other books I recommend here!)

6. Pray and ask God to increase your faith and trust in Him

I actually came to realize that there’s an odd sort of paradox that comes with pregnancy after loss: As much as it can be extra-anxiety inducing, it can also be weirdly comforting to know that God has already helped you survive the worst-case scenario. Knowing that I had survived one disastrous pregnancy that ended in miscarriage strengthened me. If it were to happen again, I knew God would strengthen me again. God is always good, no matter what happens. (Read more on having faith during a pregnancy after miscarriage here.)

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