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When you’ve been TTC for a while, there are a lot of months when you’re just not that optimistic. Months you don’t let yourself get your hopes up too much; months when you know there’s a small chance you could be pregnant but, honestly, your timing was just a little off, or you were sick, or for whatever reason it just doesn’t feel right.
But then there are other months. Months when everything just seems to fall into place, months when the timing feels perfect and you let yourself get excited. Months like this last one.
For starters, I went back on all of the vitamins and supplements I had been on the first time I got pregnant after trying for almost three years (and the second time, too, after the first ended in miscarriage). Maybe, I thought, I had mistakenly assumed I had gotten pregnant just because of my thyroid medication…but what if it really was a combination of everything?
I figured all of this stuff would take a few months to kick in, but miraculously, I got a positive ovulation test on day 14 (not day 15 or 16, like normal). I think the only other times I got a positive test on day 14 resulted in my two pregnancies. This was a great sign.
I looked up when my due date would be. October 11 — easy to remember, as my son was born on September 11. How perfect would that be?
Then, 8 or 9 days after ovulation, I woke up in the middle of the night to a strange cramping. Weird. Later that day, I started spotting just a little bit, exactly as I had with my previous two pregnancies. I’ve never gotten my period earlier than 11 or 12 days after ovulation before. Online it says 9 days past ovulation is the most common for implantation to occur. By the time I got home from work, sure I was pregnant, I was in full-blown baby-planning mode.
I looked up how many sick days I would have to take to make it past Christmas Break for a maternity leave (for a baby born on 10/11)– and it turned out to be exactly the amount of sick time I will have accrued by next year. What are the chances?
Of course, though, God’s timing is perfect! (Like everyone tells you when you’ve been TTC for too long!)
And then I even thought of how I had just given my friend all of my maternity clothes the day before. How ironic! But of course, God has a sense of humor, right?
By the time I was getting ready for bed that night, I realized it was not pregnancy spotting I was experiencing, but instead one of the shortest cycles I’ve ever had.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is, really, other than to say that if you’ve ever been so sure that this month is the month, only to be left disappointed again, wondering why you continue to get your hopes up, you’re not the only one.
And if you’re still wondering why this whole getting pregnant thing seems to be so easy for everyone else except you, you’re not the only one.
And so I remind myself — again — that I’m at exactly the place in my life that God has planned for me. Our lives are lived in the waiting. And the more I focus on the things that I don’t have, the more I miss out on what God has for me right now. So while I continue to pray for another child, I pray also that God would remind me of how to be content no matter the circumstances.
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Needed to read this today! Thank you so much for sharing. You put into the perfect words exactly how I’ve been feeling.
This is super relatable. The past few months I’ve been feeling this way a lot! I guess it’s good I’m feeling optimistic but it is crushing when you realize you’re not pregnant. Such an emotional rollercoaster. I’m also currently trying for my second. Considering IVF soon. I wish you luck!
Thank you so much!